Crossdresser’s passing in public is a discussion that a great deal has been said about. This website would not be complete unless I said something also which is don’t worry about it!
Some think that they do but don’t and some might, but most won’t. If you look close enough there will be tell-tale signs that give them away from large hands to the way they walk. I do not pass and don’t bother trying having given up years ago. I do care about acceptance which is more important to me.
Passing VS. Acceptance
Most of us will never get out the door without being read so if passing is the goal we fail on the first step. Body shape, height, weight, walk, talk, along with mannerisms along with voice sound give us away. So, if passing is a must most of us will be living our lives staring at a computer reading stories about the lucky ones who pass having all the fun.
But do they really pass?
I recently read some testimonials from people who had gone to a CD makeover service. They got made up, dressed and went out on the town with a guide. All said that based on how they were treated by sales people and servers that they pass? The city they were in is very tolerant and I am addressed with all the correct pronouns when I am there using my male voice each time.
Just because nobody looks you in the eye is not proof. In big cities nobody does that.
Who says they passed, according to whom?
Did somebody say wow you look very pretty I never thought you were a guy dressed like a woman?
Maybe they were just tolerating you as not to make a scene. Unless you have someone approach everyone that you interact with and query them how will you know for sure?
I observed at Diva Las Vegas the last two years community members dressing way down during the day citing the fact that women dress very casual during the day which is true.
They state that they choose their clothing for the day to blend in better with real women. That makes sense if blending in is the goal not passing. Maybe you don’t stand out in the crowd because of what your wearing but are you passing? Not if your 6 foot five and 270 pounds and your beard shadow is visible under your minimal daytime blend in makeup!
Acceptance is easier to confirm although tolerating might be a more accurate description. I use my normal male voice which lets the cat out of the bag with the first word out of my mouth. It gives me more accurate feedback on my interactions in public. I chose that path years ago when I thought about going out in public with the goal of passing.
If I use what I feel is my feminine voice and get read anyway would people think I am trying to deceive them? Yes, I am otherwise why not use my normal voice? Is the deception based on my being ashamed of what I am doing? Worse yet am I trying to trick them into sex thinking I can fool them? Will my attempted deception anger them?
Interacting with the public dressed in women’s clothing using my male voice leaves no questions as to that they are dealing with a man. Once we reach that point and if they are uncomfortable then they can excuse themselves and move on. If not, then we can have an honest and genuine interaction and hopefully an interesting conversation. Over the years I have had many enjoyable conversations with some very nice people in mainstream establishments. Questions abound, and I am anxious to answer them. Once we get rolling it gets to be fun especially with women who are naturally curious.
- They are usually surprised to hear that I am not Gay.
- That most of us are heterosexual.
- Am married to a woman and for longer that they have been alive.
- Have kids.
- I have normal hobbies like everyone else that I do as a male.
Attitude is important and if you have a positive one and project yourself with confidence it makes a big difference. If you don’t accept yourself why should anyone else accept you?
Crossdressing on the road
It is 2018 and most people just don’t care what you dress like. My friends and I have been to the top-rated restaurants in San Francisco and other cities. We are not crossdresser’s passing and never had any problems because we behave ourselves and dress appropriately. Recently we had dinner at Bones and the Horseradish Grill in Atlanta Georgia both very nice restaurants. One of the managers gave me some cards when she heard there were others in our group and encouraged me to pass them out. The Perimeter Mall was across the street and we shopped everyday trying on tons of clothes each day.
Once Caitlyn Jenner came out people seem to be more accepting or at least they are not shocked anymore so it’s old news.
If you are not out to shock people and dress pretty much age appropriate plus or minus a decade you should be fine. If you dress to shock you probably will. You will have to accept what comes with it but, you will not be a crossdrersser passing.
I think where you go is as or more important than what you wear. Is where you want to go safe? Restaurants and public places are probably better than dive bars or hidden away places. Think about how far you will have to run for safety or if they have security people to help. Over the last 20 years I have found that the better the establishment the better you will be treated.
Please don’t think that you can go just anywhere you want in any city using your male voice and be accepted. I don’t go anywhere without checking out the immediate and surrounding area of the restaurant or bar I am going to.
- Use Google Maps to get an idea of the area with the satellite images. I look at aerial as well as street views.
- Yelp allows me to see what the inside of the place and the clientele are like based on the reviews listed.
- I pay attention to the ages of the reviewers along with their opinions.
- Photos let me further evaluate the customers for compatibility.
- I go to the restaurant website to see what they say and see the pictures they are using to promote the place.
- The menu gives additional clues based on selections and pricing.
- In some cases, I will call the establishment and tell them I am a crossdresser and would like to come in and inquire about my safety and comfort.
- Finally, I use UBER, so I know and have a record of the driver, vehicle, and license number. Can see their progress coming to pick me up and know when they arrive. Don’t have to walk outside until I am ready, and they will be at the front door of the restaurant.
- I leave before it gets late which eliminates issues with drunk people getting out of hand.
- UBER drops me at my hotel and the driver opens my door and sees that I am safely inside.
Each of us must make the decision to go out dressed and if we are ready for it. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to do it regardless of if you pass or not? Wouldn’t it be nice to be accepted without regard to passing?
I think so!