A couple of days ago while scrolling through Facebook videos I came across one by a detransitioner expressing their regrets. One thing that struck me was when they complained about being steered in a direction that was not right for them in their opinion. They regretted their life altering surgery and the fact that they can’t go back and must live with the way they are now. Another complaint was that they were not given a lot of options other than transitioning.
OPTIONS
It’s the internet so I really can’t attest to the validity of the video but the concept started me thinking about people being labeled as Transgender and guided to transition. Were any of them actually Transvestite / Crossdressers and not Transgendered? Were they made aware that there is an activity called cross dressing done by Transvestite / Crossdressers that might be a better fit for them?
EDUCATION
Part of what got me thinking about it was a conversation I had last month in Las Vegas with my longtime BFF Ashley who has spoken to college Human Sexuality classes in Southern California for over 30 years. She shared some of the student feedback forms forwarded to her from the students professor. Each student is required to submit a form so both the professor and Ashley can see if the message got through to the students. Many of students were completely unaware that there was such a thing as a Crossdresser and have never heard the term. They could speak with some knowledge about Transgenderism and some even know people who identified that way.
After thinking about it bit I can understand their thinking because we Crossdressers prefer our anonymity so other than blogs and some websites they have no way of discovering us. All the news is about Transgender issues with no Crossdressers stories so its understandable. Especially being that many people incorrectly lump us together even though the Wikipedia and other sources explain the difference.
COMMENTS
Here are some of the comments Ashley shared with me from the students.
I enjoyed Ashley’s presentation, it was very insightful and I learned things I never knew about crossdressing. I just thought being called a crossdresser was kind of an offensive term for drag queens or transgender people. I didn’t know that people were okay with identifying as crossdressers. I know now the distinction between crossdressers and drag queens with how crossdressing is more of a compulsion for the former rather than only a way to express yourself and creativity for the latter. Drag queens are also financially compensated for what they do, while for crossdressers, crossdressing can just be a secret that people carry their whole lives and they only dress when they’re alone.
I learned that the majority of cross dressers aren’t homosexual, but rather straight/heterosexual which was something I had thought otherwise. Notably on Ashley’s presentation, I really enjoyed their use of statistics as it really gave more impact to what they were saying. Alongside their use of visual presentation in the form of the slides which was something different from all our earlier presentations, but useful addition when it comes to organizing the information and keeping it brief to see. Their anecdotes were really interesting too, to hear that there are so many people afraid to come out even to their wives and loved ones.
Ashley’s presentation really drove home the idea that cross dressers are just our “Average Joe’s” and this is just something that makes them different. I like how Ashley talked about what led her to becoming a cross-dresser and how it makes her feel. The lasting words she said were, “We’re not dangerous, just different.” really helped me understand the difference between this disorder and the paraphilic disorders that we have learned in class. I hope that one day tranvestic disorder gets reclassified in the DSM-5 as it should not be categorized with paraphilic disorders.
I really enjoyed Ashley’s presentation, I thought it was a very brave thing to be able to go in such depth with us and give us a way better understanding of the community. How, that just because she is a cross dresser that doesn’t mean that she is gay and in fact has a wife and kids, and how she only has certain times when she dresses up as a female which she stated to be once a month and that the rest of the time she’s dressed as a man. I also like how she highlighted that a reason that men can become crossdressers is because of a feeling/ like a need to dress in a woman’s clothes and is not inherently something sexual. When Ashley mentioned the CHIC club I didn’t know what it was but to find out that it’s a club that spends time with those alike and bond made me feel that their community must be pretty close and tightly knitted. I really appreciate Ashley for coming down here and speaking.
There were more examples but those above are representative of this class and I did not want to be redundant so just picked a few. If there is a universal lack of knowledge of Crossdressing among the population in general it might explain the detransition dilemma. I think those who maybe are not quite sure about being Transgender should be informed about Crossdressing as an option and maybe a better solution. Based on the Wikipedia definition below at a minimum anyone considering hormones or surgery should be aware of the difference between Transgenderism and Crossdressing by their mentors. If someone is content with once a month cross dressing like Ashley, myself, and many others as opposed to a gender identity preference they should know their are options.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Cross-dressing means wearing clothes traditionally or stereotypically associated with a different gender, such as men wearing women’s clothes, or more rarely women wearing men’s clothes. It is a form of dress or presentation rather than any particular gender identity, sexual orientation, or motivation, and has appeared in many societies across history for reasons including disguise, comfort, self-expression, ritual, and performance. Cross-dressing is not the same as being transgender, though older writings often used broader and less precise terminology that grouped different experiences together.
In the meantime I will continue to spread the word in my writing and hopefully others do the same.
You’re mostly correct in what you say but, sadly, it’s not that easy. Firstly, the whole transgender care system is set up around affirmation. Cynics would say that this then ensures that the lifetime care needed is very lucrative for gender professionals or the more acceptable explanation is that if someone believes they’re not their biological gender, no one knows better than them.
Then there’s the whole question of the diagnosis and treatment itself. Exploration of treatment pathways other than transition is increasingly labelled as conversion therapy so professionals fear for their career if they attempt to suggest alternatives.
Then, there’s the ‘community’ itself, or at least a part of it, where crossdressers are either considered not trans enough or not transgender at all. So that puts pressure on individuals to conform to stereotypes and progress down pathways that may not be appropriate. And a consequence of that is that transgender people, particularly MTF don’t consider wearing the clothes of their gender identity to be crossdressing; in fact it’s become a real cliche to declare that they only crossdress when they have to present in male mode for one reason or another.
Perhaps the biggest challenge here is that posed by those closest to the individuals concerned. It only takes a quick read through posts in places like reddit to realise that families are either supportive – which suggests that the individual has gained acceptance from their family and friends – on not in which case they’re labelled transphobic. The doubting voices need to at least be listened to, not ignored or vilified.
If you’re interested in learning more about this area, then check out Az Hakeem on YouTube. He’s a clinical psychologist who worked at the Tavistock Clinic in the UK for a while and gives an interesting and sometimes uncomfortable insight into all of this.
Hi Amanda,
Thank you for your comment and insight I appreciate your viewpoints and hope others read them. Thanks also for the information on Az Hakeem which, I found fascinating and definitely will view some more of his videos.
Micki
Thank You Micki for this discussion about the various aspects involved in our shared experiences in the realm of womanhood. I personally believe that much of the conversation about this specific topic, revolves around the differing interpretations, or beliefs about how each “girl” sees herself.
The term 🏳️⚧️ Transgender, can and does mean different things to different people. Just as the terms, Transvestite and CrossDresser seem to strike a different chord within each and every one of us. So much so, that our female proclivities sometimes become a confusing mishmash in terminology. I am, what I am. A CrossDresser. 76 years worth.
Thanks for the comment Melinda.
Micki